Tell us your name and where you're from?
W: My name is Winna Sherie Crichlow and I'm from Pomona, CA.
What is your faith story? What can you tell us about your personal life testimony?
W: For some reason, this was hard for me to put on paper. Maybe it's because I've never shared my full story. Over the years I've learned to share bits and pieces so people wouldn't know how jacked up I really was. Who wants to admit that they drank and did drugs to drown out their pain, or that they were in an abusive relationship or that they got pregnant at 17, or thought about giving up on life altogether among other shameful things? Definitely not me; since on the outside, I always looked like I had my stuff together in the midst of adversity, but that's my story. As strong and put together as I appeared on the outside, on the inside I was shattered. I was literally broken in every way; spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. If tore up from the floor up was a person it would have been me.
My father passed away my senior year of high school and my world was flipped upside down.
I did everything I could to fill the void of losing him. I was the ultimate daddy's girl and my father did everything in his power to love, protect and provide for me. Less than four months after his passing, I was pregnant and almost a year to the date later I gave birth to my son. Growing up in a two-parent household where my parents were together from high school until death did they part, I never imagined that I would be a single parent. But my parents' journey was far different than mine. I was on welfare, working minimum wage jobs, and doing "shady" things on the side to make ends meet, while trying to get a degree. I lived a double life because I didn't want people to really know how bad off I was. I was determined to prove everyone wrong that said that I messed up my life when I got pregnant and would just be "another statistic". I was living off credit cards, 22 if I remember correctly, but we didn't miss a beat. Still trying to find love, I ended up in bad situationship after situationship after situationship and stayed in longer than I should have because I didn't want it to appear that I failed again. I hated the feeling of rejection. I always thought it was because I did something wrong or because I wasn't good enough. Figuratively speaking, I found myself bankrupt from giving and doing so much to make people happy so they wouldn't leave, but every part of me was depleted. No one ever made me feel like my daddy. As big as my heart was to give love, I just couldn't find someone to match what I was giving. Over time, my finances improved and I started trying to fill the void with material things, but I still was empty.
I remember lying on the floor in my bedroom in a fetal position one day ready to give up on everything. I was beyond the ugly cry. I felt so unworthy, so unlovable, so rejected and so defeated. I stayed in that position crying out for help for over an hour until I felt what seemed to be arms holding me as I cried myself to sleep. It's still hard to explain sometimes, but I wasn't fearful and it felt right. I woke up with this unexplainable peace in my heart. It was at that time that I realized the healing, comfort, and protection I needed was a spiritual thing. God healed my heart and took away the condemnation and pain that I carried for so many years. As I think back, there were many times where He wanted to show me His love, but I didn't fully recognize it. I knew about praying to Him and things like tithing, but I didn't really comprehend receiving His love. That's when I understood why the void couldn't be filled by a person or stuff. That place was reserved solely for Abba Father.
Everything that I went through prepared me to demonstrate love and compassion and serve others in a healthy way. God took me from the humbling experience of being on welfare to being part of the executive team in a social services agency serving individuals and families in need daily. I've been blessed to go from being a single mom having nothing to being in a position where all of our needs are met. In spite of what people spoke over me and what I thought of myself at times, God's thoughts and love towards me never wavered. Even though I carried the weight of condemnation and rejection He knew my future. To be free in my mind and know that I'm accepted by God regardless of my past or future mistakes was overwhelming at times because I'd become so accustomed to trying to earn the love and acceptance of people, but I don't live to please others anymore. I'm at peace with my past and optimistic about the future. My earthly father is gone, but my heavenly father has not forsaken me. He's my protector and my provider, and loves me unconditionally.
Wow, what an amazing story! What is your favorite scripture and why?
W: It's hard to select one, but Psalms 34:18 has been my constant reminder that God loves me even in my brokenness. I don't have to be perfectly put together for Him and when I'm at my lowest point He desires me even more. My heart has been broken several times, but even through all of my natural heartbreak, He delivered me and brought peace to my life.
Psalms 34:18
The Lord is near the broken hearted and he saves those whose spirit is crushed
If there was one nugget of wisdom in your walk and growth in Christ that you would want to leave us with, what would that be?
W: Don't accept other people's opinions of you because they don't have the final say. It's imperative that you guard your thought because what you think becomes what you speak and what you speak begins to manifest. Remember what God has said about you and your situation and no matter how hopeless a situation appears, continue to speak life.
Agreed! Do you have any resources (devotionals, books, studies) that have helped you that you would recommend?
Books/Devotionals:
Crazy Love - Francis Chan
What Happens When Women Walk in Faith - Lisa Terkeurst
I Declare - Joel Osteen
Crash the Chatterbox by Steven Furtick
Battlefield of the Mind - Joyce Meyer
Breaking Free - Beth Moore
Thank you so much, my dear friend. Where can we find you online?
Instagram: @Ohsograteful
Facebook: Low Low
Takeaway:
I mean, do I need to say more? Every single time we define ourselves by our shortcomings, Gd always reminds us that He loves us in spite of and can still use even those decisions for our ultimate good! One of my favorite verses in scripture is Zepheniah 3:17: "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you,but will rejoice over you with singing.” This has always comforted me in those moments when I felt less than and invisible. To know that our Heavenly Father takes delight in us and sings over us: it's a beautiful image of His grace. If there is one thing we can all take from Winna's story it's this: We are never too far from God. And He makes everything beautiful in His time. And like Winna: boy are you also beautiul inside and out!
Prayer:
Lord, we thank you. We thank you for Winna's faith in saying "yes" to sharing her beautiful transformation in her life. I thank you that even in this, you are healing every reader right now. They are being reminded that they are not broken or untouchable by you today Father. And I thank you for the hope that your grace provides! I pray that every reader of this post is encouraged and empowered today. That they are reminded that in every situation you are still a GOOD Father. And that your plans for them are prosperous and joyful. So, today we worship and celebrate. Because good things are coming and good things are already done!
In your mighty name, Jesus: Amen!
Love you and praying for you Se'lah fam! Please share to encourage your friends. You never know who needs this today.